Amazing Grace

These past 12 months have been a wild ride in my faith.

Around this time last year, I had built a friendship with another Christian. But very soon after I could see that this wouldn’t be a healthy friendship. I started to pray to our Lord asking for help. I knew if I continued seeking a friendship with this person, I would grow into a self-conscious, downhearted young woman. But because my personal nature is what it is, I kept trying to build this friendship up, despite the hurt and emotional beat ups that I had started to feel.

The October long weekend saw many tears and misery after feeling let down once again. I personally didn’t know how to push through this time. I wasn’t sleeping or engaging in activities that I had been passionate about months earlier.

The morning of October 8th changed everything. I woke up feeling like I was born-again with renewed strength. I suddenly didn’t have the negative thoughts I was having the days and nights before. I had gone from a 2/10 to a 8/10. I was a little frightened though to be honest, mostly if this was just a ginormous mood swing and I would hit rock-bottom within a few hours. However, I could tell there was something more unique about this particular change, for the first time in months I felt devoted to my prayer life, praying out loud my intentions and feeling the Lord’s presence and mercy in my heart.

I have always known what mercy was, through knowledge, reading the Bible and hearing people mention it; although it was on this day that I knew what mercy felt like in my soul. When my faith life has been strong in the past, I have always had a sense of pride. This pride perhaps arose from me thinking that I was somewhat perfect in my faith and that I deserved God’s forgiveness and mercy.  While listening to some Hillsong and reading the Bible, I realised that I am no doubt a sinner, and flawed in so many ways, however Jesus brought me out of the difficult time that I was in not because I deserved it or was special, but because Jesus had mercy on me.